Out of the 200s!

I've been really struggling lately. Meat keeps getting stuck, but I'm always hungry. I had been stuck right above 200 for over a month now. When I went in to get an adjustment my doc wouldn't do it because I can't eat meat. So I went home even more frustrated.

Well today I stood on the scale this morning and I couldn't believe it. I was 198. I didn't see a 2. It was great. I don't know how I did it, but I'm happy. Not only am I out of the 200s, but I've also lost 60 lbs. It's amazing. This is the best thing I've ever done. I feel great and I'm looking great. I've even had students stop me in the hallway to tell me I look good. That was a shock, but I liked hearing it.

Tough Times

I've had an extremely stressful week. Don't even want to go into it, but I would like to say that I've been really good on the diet. This is normally the time I would turn to food to get me through. Not gonna happen!

It's my Birthday and I'll cry if I want to...

Well I'm not really crying, but I am frustrated. I had set a goal of being below 200 by my birthday and I didn't make it. I'm frustrated because I haven't moved at all the past few weeks. I've gained and lost the same weight for weeks. I had to miss working out last week two days because of prior commitments, but I can't imagine that would cause me to gain weight. I guess I'm going to have to reexamine what I'm eating or whether I need another fill.

50 Pounds!!!!

I am down 50 lbs. Just about my halfway point. I can't wait to see myself in another 6 months.

Tough Times ahead though: Halloween candy, Thanksgiving, and Christmas Cookies. These will be tests to my will power, but I think I can handle it.

Energy

I actually have energy to do things. I'll run around with my son and I don't get winded after only a few steps. My son's in a parent/tot soccer league and I actually enjoy running around and passing the ball back and forth. I would have sat on the sidelines watching from a distance before.

I can't imagine how hard it is for those out there that are morbidly obese. I know the medical world considered me morbidly obese when I got the surgery, but I never really thought of myself as morbidly obese. Morbidly obese to me was people who could barely walk. The ones I would see at Wal-mart riding in the motor scooter grocery carts.

I can't wait to workout. It's hard to make myself get up in the morning to go, but I feel great when I leave. I also love having the time to myself. I get to listen to music and think about things or clear my head.

Working Towards My Goal

I've been working out three times a weeks just like I told myself I would. I'm going to the gym on Monday and Friday mornings and to Zumba on Wednesday. Working out seems to be doing its job. I'm almost to my September goal of 210.

I've also been going shopping in my closet. I forgot how many clothes I have. It's way cheaper than going to a store, but I'm hoping I do have to buy new clothes when I get to my goal. That will be so much fun to go to regular stores and not see an X in the size.

Goal Setting

I had set a September goal of being below 210 and I'm getting close. Only 5 more pounds to go and 2 weeks to do it in. It's possible.

My next goal....be under the big 2...0...0. Oh to see a 1 again.

My birthday is at the end of October and I think a great goal to go for is to be under 200. That's way more exciting than turning another year older.

Goal... So far.

I worked out on Friday just like I said. I did have to force myself to get off the couch, but I did it. I also went to the gym today. I bought an armband for my iPod so I can listen to my music. So far so good. My arms are sore, but I'll work through it. I'm still trying to sign up for Zumba, but have had no luck contacting them. I guess I'll have to wait until Tuesday since they won't be open on Labor Day.

I need to get into running. I hate to run, but I would love to accomplish something like a 5K so I can say I did it. Maybe I'll look to see if there are any next summer around town I can sign up for. That could be a good long term goal.

Been Awhile

So I feel like I abandoned the blog for a little bit. I started school two weeks ago so I'm still trying to get back in routine. I think I'm finally at a place where I may have a few minutes to spare to write a blog entry. Plus, my son is also asleep on the chair with me so I'm kind of trapped with the computer. What a good time to write down my thoughts.

Goal: Work out three times a week!!!!

I wrote it down. I have to do it now. I've been trying to sign up for Zumba, but nothing seems to be going my way. The place I was going to go suddenly closed its doors, the instructor has moved to another location so I tracked her down and found out when and where. I went to sign up today, but of course it was closed. I'm going to do it tomorrow. Does trying to exercise count as exercising for today......? I'm going to go with no. Well I'll drive my butt to the gym tomorrow.


Caution. It's about to get gross......


Anyone sliming out there? Didn't know what the term was until I read it on a post somewhere, but it pretty much sums up what I've been going through every so many days. Sliming is when food is stuck in your throat and the only way out is to ooze out of your mouth in a nasty spit ball. I know it sounds gross and I hate doing it. A couple of times I thought I was burping and a big wad of goo came up. It's so bad for you. I've been trying to eat slower, chew longer, stay away from bad foods, and it keeps happening. I know its not that I'm too tight because the next day I can eat normal again. So weird.

First Day/2nd Fill

Today was my first day back to school. We had an institute day so no students yet. Sophomores start tomorrow because they are coming to a new school. All students will be back on Wednesday.

A lot of people have noticed I've lost weight. It was really nice to hear. I called the doctor last Friday about having another fill. They called today and had a cancellation so I was able to get in after I picked up my son from daycare.

My son did great his first day back to daycare. I was worried he wouldn't tell her that he had to go potty. He did have a little accident when he first got there, but was fine the rest of the day. Although, when I walked up the daycare lady was worried because he was just stung by a bee under his right eye. She was hoping he wasn't allergic. Luckily he's not. I've been watching him and there are no other symptoms other than the swollen bump under the eye.

My second fill went good. I got another .8 cc's. I'm hoping the weight coming off is more consistently now.

Progress is Slow

I've finally lost two pounds. It's been a couple of weeks since I've seen any movement on the scale other than up. It's so frustrating to know you're making all these changes to your lifestyle, but the scale isn't really showing it. Well at least I haven't gained a bunch back.

I think I'm going to call for another fill. I've been hungry a lot and want to snack. I've been trying really hard not to, or to pick healthier alternatives. I don't want to get back into the snacking routine though.

School starts next week and I'm hoping that once I'm on a more rigid schedule it will help move things along.



For anyone out there having the snacking problem like me, try Potato Bakes. You can have 17 chips for about 110 calories. They taste really good too. I've only had the salt and pepper ones, but I'm hoping to find the other flavors somewhere in town. My grocery store I go to only has those and BBQ. It's located in the healthy/organic isle at our grocery store. I looked online and they also come in Parmesan & Roasted Garlic or Ranch flavors.

Not Much Going on......at all

So nothing really new to report other than I haven't made any changes in weight in a long time. I think I'm going to call the doc to set up another fill appointment. I've noticed that I'm eating more than I should and I still feel hungry after I eat.

School's starting soon and I need to get ready for that, but trying to enjoy the last days of summer vacation. My son needs to get on a schedule soon or my daycare provider is not going to be very happy with us when he doesn't take naps and helps himself to the refrigerator whenever he wants.

Looking forward to going to the State Fair. Hoping I can find some food I can eat. I know there will be plenty I want, but shouldn't eat....mmmm....cheese curds.

Working Out..... Wiiiiiiiiii!

So I started to work on yesterday. I need to start to get on a schedule if I want to stick with it. I belong to a gym, but have been so busy and don't want to leave the family so I took out the Wii. I forgot how much of a workout you can get from it. I love the Yoga because I can really feel my muscles working and my new favorite is the step aerobics that you can pick an amount of time and then turn your TV on and step while watching your favorite shows.

Man do my calves hurt today. It makes it hard to workout again, but I did it. I think I'm going to start working out in the morning before my husband goes to work. Then I don't have to take my son to the gym with me and pay for daycare.

Stuck!

My first stuck episode was today and it was horrible. I took about three bites of a boca burger and the pain was unbearable. It feels like when you've eaten too big of a bite and it goes down really slow. You know the pain will go away, but you panic a little anyway. Take that pain and multiply it a few times. I also felt like I was dry drowning. I was getting air, but I felt like not enough. I tried to drink some water to get it to go down, but nothing worked. I didn't feel like I had to throw up, but I hurt. I went to the bathroom because my throat started making weird noises and I leaned over the toilet just in case something happened. Without any effort at all a big ball of goo slide out of my mouth. It was disgusting. It was all slimy and mucuousy. Not like if you chew food and spit it out. I don't know how it got all gooy, but man was it gross. I though that would make me feel better so I tried to go back on working, but the pain came back. I ended up having to go in the bathroom and get rid of 5 more balls of goo. As each ball of goo came up my esophagus started to feel better. There was no pressure or heaving like when you throw up. That was the weird part. It just slide out when I leaned over and opened my mouth. I didn't even realize that the food never went down it literally got stuck above my stoma and kept filling up to the back of my throat.

I had heard of this happening, but never knew what it would be like. I think it was the bun to the burger. I haven't had bread since surgery that hasn't been toasted. I think it just turned into a ball of dough in my throat and my body did not like that.

Note to self: Chew, Chew, Chew. Slow down. No more untoasted bread.

First Fill

I had my first fill yesterday. It was very strange. I got into the room and the nurse took my blood pressure and then the dietitian came in and asked me about what I was eating and how I was exercising. I know it wasn't his plan to make me feel bad, but by asking all the questions it feels like he's second guessing everything I've been doing.

When the doctor came in he asked me if I was hungry after meals and that with this fill it should fix that. He had me lay down on the table and point to where my port was. He felt my stomach for it and then swabbed it with an alcohol wipe. He turned around to get the needle and when he turned back I saw the biggest needle I've ever seen. I knew he wasn't going to stick the whole thing in me, but it sure is intimidating. It had to be at least 5 to 6 inches long with a syringe on the end. When he stuck it in, it didn't hurt at all. He then started to push the fluid in and immediately felt the tightness in my chest. I then had to sit up with the needle still sticking out of me, bobbing up and down. It was like something you would see in a comedy movie. The doctor them gave me a bottle of water to drink.

*Thank you to the lady in the waiting room who warned my about the next part.

As I was drinking the water, it completely filled up my esophagus. I now realized that the doctor had completely filled my band and closed my stomach off. He said let me know when the water is at the back of your throat. It's the strangest feeling. It feels like you're close to drowning. You have to make sure you're relaxed or you could panic like you were drowning. Once the liquid was all the way up my throat. He started to pull out the liquid and told me to let him know when the water drained out. He said that water should always flow right through the band. So when I felt it was okay he had me chug the rest of the bottle of water to make sure it went through freely. By the way, the needle is still sticking out of me, bobbing as I move. I then had to stand up and the doctor took the needle out. He said I got 2.8 cc's.

The funniest part of the appointment was the doctor explaining the "filet 'o fish test" to me. He said that if I'm not sure if I need a fill I have to go to McDonald's and order a filet 'o fish. I then need to take off the bun and eat the fish with cheese and tarter sauce. If I feel like I can eat more I need a fill. If I barely goes down I probably need to have some fluid taken out. I'm sorry, but I've never eaten a filet 'o fish in my life and the fact that my weight loss surgeon is telling me to go to McDonald's to eat a fried piece of fish just makes me laugh.

DH not a good diet buddy

So I encouraged my husband to "diet", well just eat better, because he's started to get a beer belly. He's always been really skinny, but I think as he's getting older the food isn't being as friendly. I also want him to eat healthier in support of me and to show my son proper food habits.

There is no strict diet, just watch what you eat type of thing. He has whined and complained the whole time. During dinner last night we discussed how his eating habits effect mine and my son's. I think he understood.

Until tonight.

We had a normal dinner. We've even been trying to eat at the dinner table instead of in front the the TV. So far we've made it over a week. As I'm getting ready to go to bed around 10pm I walk into the kitchen and what do I see? My husband is making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Not 1, but 2!. These are not ordinary sandwiches either. He loads on the PB & J. I understand that sometimes you need a snack, but 2 sandwiches? Come on! I looked at him and he looked back at me knowing that this was not good.

I didn't get mad, but this was not good. I took one sandwich and bagged it up for him for lunch tomorrow. I know he wanted to eat it, but I tried to remind him that sometimes our eyes are hungrier than our stomach is.

FILLLLLLL? Where are you?

I need a fill really bad. I very rarely feel any restriction and when I do its usually because I'm eating noodles and/or taking too big of bites. I started off really well sticking to the 1 cup per meal, but my meals have definitely been getting bigger. I haven't been over eating, but I don't like this slippery slope.

Life has been a little stressful as my husband and I have been getting our house ready to put on the market. I was very surprised, but I didn't fall off the wagon and emotionally eat during this process. Happy to say that our house is on the market today! I'm sure we'll sell the house right around the same time I'm having my bandiversary. :) Well at least we know its going to be a slow process.

My son has T-ball tomorrow and a birthday party after. I hope I can get enough water and stay away from grazing at the birthday party. I'm just going to have to stay away from the kitchen and only take one plate of food.

Broccoli Be Gone

It's been a rough couple of days. I've been having severe intestinal cramping to the point I have to lay down. It lasted for two days too. I had broccoli the night before and I'm convinced it was that and hoping its not something different. I went to the store to stock up on fiber foods and have really been watching what I'm eating and making note if my body reacts differently.

All was well today, but didn't really get in enough protein. I tried though. Had turkey sausage and an egg this morning, half turkey sandwich at lunch, and refried beans with chicken for dinner. I also had some healthy snacks in between.

If the cramping comes back, I'm definitely calling the doctor, but for now I'm thinking I need to stay away from broccoli.

Pasta...so good....so bad

Man I love pasta, but it doesn't love me. Had a cold pasta salad with penne tonight and it went down really slow. Very painful. Just like some egg noodles I had before. I think I need to make sure my pasta is really soft or make something else. I limit how much I eat, but its so good and so versatile. It can go in so many dishes. I guess I'm going to have to start looking at some new recipes with out pasta.

Summer's Going So Fast

So summer is half over and our house is almost ready to put up for sale. We've been really busy de-cluttering and cleaning carpets, etc. My weight loss is coming slowly but surely. I'm down 24 pounds since the start of my journey. Today I had major intestinal cramping. It was so much I couldn't do anything. I laid down and took some gas reliever hoping that moved things along in there. This is not the first time this has happened. If it continues I'm definitely going to tell my surgeon.

Happy 4th of July to all. My son and I are going to a parade tomorrow. No candy for me though. Party at my sister's after. Nervous about the food I can eat, but I'm sure I'll find something.

It moved!

So my scale isn't broken! I'm down the two pounds that I gained last week. I'm hoping I stay moving in this direction.

Speaking of moving, we're trying so hard to get our house ready to put on the market. My house looks like a disaster because we're moving everything around and moving stuff to storage. I don't know if we'll every be ready. Trying to get the house up for sale in July.

Sleeping Habits

It's the summer and I don't have to go to school so I would love to sleep in just a little. So far, it's not happening. My son wakes my husband and I up everyday. He was coming in around 7:30, but lately it's been a lot earlier. I think he was in this morning around 5ish. Luckily my husband was off work today and took him downstairs so I could sleep a little longer.

I don't know what's going on with him, but he won't take naps anymore either. He usually goes all day long and falls asleep around 7pm and then wakes up early. I've been trying to sit with him around nap time hoping he falls asleep. He'll snuggle with me, but no nap.

I'm really hoping he'll sleep until 8 tomorrow, but I really doubt it.

Extremely Frustrated!

It's been two weeks since the surgery and I have drastically changed my eating habits. The first week was liquids and the second week has been mushie and soft foods. I've just recently started to eat more "normal" foods such as chicken and cooked veggies. I've also limited myself to the cup of food per meal. I haven't felt restriction yet so I've just been stopping myself because I don't want to overeat.

My frustration is I haven't lost any weight. In fact I've gained 2 pounds this past week. What is going on? I know I'm not going to lose weight really fast like bypass surgery, but to gain weight makes me mad.

Restriction?

Now that I've added more foods in. I've been trying to read my body to see if I can feel restriction. My surgeon said I should feel it in my chest, but I haven't felt anything like that. I'll eat my cup of food and still feel hungry. I stop myself so I don't eat more, but I know this won't always happen. My surgeon also said I shouldn't come in for a fill until I stop losing weight, but if the band isn't working the way it should be i.e. causing restriction, shouldn't I go in anyway?

Need Variety

So I'm down 7 pounds since surgery. I really need to start to eat something different. I'm not hungry, but I'm getting really bored with eating the same types of foods. I'm really looking forward to adding more foods on Monday. Here I come mushie's!

Totally Not Hungry

I have no desire to eat. It's great, but I know not good. I have to force myself to drink protein shakes, eat yogurt, and whatever else I can get down. I really am not hungry. I do have cravings for foods I'm not allowed to have. Like I was at the grocery store today and we went down the pasta isle to get my son mac and cheese. I really wanted to eat noodles. I think I miss chewing on something and I know I can't have anything really hard so in my head I was like noodles should be okay. I grabbed this new "Kraft Homestyle Deluxe" baked macaroni and cheese kit and said I'll eat this someday.

MMM.....yogurt

I had about a cup of yogurt today. It tasted so good. I had a 1/2 cup in the morning and a 1/2 cup around dinner time. It was nice to be able to spoon something into my mouth instead of drink it from a cup.

Very tired today. I couldn't sleep because I kept waking up from pain. It feels like a ball shoved up under my chest. I tried to take my son to the mall so he could play, but we didn't stay long. I couldn't get comfortable. When I was sitting there and walking around I still felt like I had something jammed up into my chest. The only way it would go away is if I stood up completely straight or laid straight in my recliner. I ended up laying in my recliner for the remainder of the night. I can't wait for this swelling to go down. Well I'm hoping its just swelling and that the band didn't slip.

Overall, doing pretty good. Most of the pain in the port is gone. Only a little gas pain occasionally.

Surgery and Post-Op Day 1

Surgery day went very smoothly. We left for the hospital around 6:30am and when we were about 5 minutes from the hospital my husband informed me he had to pee. So where do we stop? McDonald's. I thought this was a little interesting since I'm going in to get banded and we stop at a fast food restaurant on the way. I stayed in the car of course.

We arrived at the hospital at 6:58. I signed in and got a bracelet to wear. At around 7:30 we were called back and I was weighed. 243.1 lbs. A pound less than at home. I'll take that. From there my husband and I went in to the pre-op room. A nurse had me go pee to make sure I wasn't pregnant and I got dressed in the biggest gown I've ever seen and little booties on my feet. The nurse took my vitals pulse, blood pressure, etc. We then waited and watched TV until around 7:45 when my nurse Barb came in. She was very nice and funny. We talked about the band and how she was thinking about it. She gave me a shot of heparin at 7:58. Man did that sting and she told me I could rub it or it would cause a bruise. At around 8:10 she tried to get an IV started in my left arm, but not luck. I always have trouble finding veins. She then asked another nurse to come in and she got one started in my right forearm at 8:25. Barb asked me a bunch of questions I feel like I've answered a million times, but I answered the anyway (last period, allergic to anything, etc.)

My doctor, Dr. Shayani, popped in close to 9 and we asked a couple of questions and he was out of there. Shortly after, the anesthesiologist, Dr. Korea, popped in at 9:05. I explained that I get really dizzy and nauseous after anesthesia, but he said that's common with C-Sections. I should have pressed the matter. Barb put the compression cuffs on my legs while he was in the room. I knew they were coming so it didn't surprise me.

I was wheeled on my bed into the surgery room after I got to say goodbye to my husband around 9:15. When I got into the operating room, it was nice and cold and I had warm blankets on me. My bed wouldn't go up all the way so when I had to scoot over to the operating table, it was a little bit tricky. The operating nurse was hilarious. She kept going back and forth with the anesthesiologist. I laid down with my arms spread out on either side while one nurse worked on one side and another nurse worked on the other side. Place monitor stickers, getting cords untangled, etc. At that point, the breathing mask went on my face and I don't remember anything until I woke up.

My husband said I was out of surgery at 10:20. I laid in recovery for a little while and was in and out of consciousnesses. I remember it was hard to talk because my whole body felt heavy, but I was able to ask for ice chips since my mouth was so dry. The recovery nurse said she and put a spoonful in my mouth.

I was later rolled back to the second recovery room where my husband was able to join me and I had the best nurse, Becky. I was so out of it. Just like after my C-Section. I just couldn't break myself of the grogginess. I didn't really have any pain so I just kept falling asleep. It was great though. I was so tired.

I'm not sure when, but my doctor again popped in and said "why are you treating her like a sick person? She should be up in a chair." I said because I'm tired and it feels good to lay down. Well anyway, my nurse said she would go get me a comfy chair if I have to be in one and brought in a nice recliner. When I made the move from bed to chair that's when I could feel that I was really tight in the stomach. Another nurse had to come help since I couldn't really stand on my own yet. When I got in the chair the nurse reclined it and said "fall asleep, you like you need it. If he comes back, you're in a chair". And of course I fell asleep. I would wake up periodically and sip some apple juice. The best apple juice I've ever tasted by the way. I started to feel dizzy and nauseous just like I predicted. My nurse was so nice. She put a wash cloth on my forehead, got an ice pack for my neck and even search for a fan. It really helped. Once I had gone pee (man did that hurt) and started to snap out of it a little more. I decided I would feel better at home. So I got dressed and was wheeled out around 3pm.

I went home and slept in the recliner all night. I woke up around 4 am and need my husband to help me out of the chair to go to the bathroom and I took some pain meds.

Post-Op Day 1

My husband had to go to work so I was left by myself. Which was fine. I slept until 10. Got up. Feeling a lot better now. Could sit on the toilet without cringing. I took some more pain medicine and did a couple of puzzles and watched a little TV, but I started not to feel so well. I got really dizzy. I had to turn the TV off. I tried to walk around to see if that helped, but I got more dizzy. I started to feel nauseous and then I started to heave and throw up. Man did that hurt. I was hold my left side because I thought it was going to rip out of my stomach not to mention that not much was coming up since all I've add was liquids. I called my mom because I needed someone to talk to. My husband had come home shortly after. I took some pain meds and fell fast asleep. He then had to go to class and I was left alone again. Of course it all started again, throwing up hurt so bad. I called my doctor's pager number. I was afraid if I kept throwing up I would slip the band or something. As I'm on the phone with my doctor, my husband comes home. The doctor wants to talk to him since I'm sure he can't understand a word I'm saying because I'm starting to cry. He said we could go to the hospital if we wanted, but to call him back in an hour and let him know how I was doing. Well in a hour, I was on my way to the hospital, throwing up again. Then I got the chills and started to shake.

It's now about 10pm and we're in the emergency room. I thought since I had just had surgery and I'm shaking and throwing up I would be one of those lucky ones that got to got right back. Was I wrong. We sat there for about an hour before I had my husband ask for a bag to throw up in. The gave him a bin. I felt so bad for the others waiting in the room. As I was throwing up I felt like I was going to pass out. My whole body got shaky and tingly. I asked my husband to tell them that and they're response was "have her sit down". Thanks. I'll just pass out in a dirty waiting room. After about another hour, I went to the front and asked about how long. I really feel shaking and tingling and I feel like I'm going to pass out. The lady looked at me and said "oh really?" and told me come around so a nurse could look at me. While she was examining me. I started to throw up. BINGO! That's what gets you to be seen. So for anyone out there who's stuck in a ER waiting room, start to throw up in front of the nurse. Once in there, the staff was very nice. They started me in IVs and gave me some nausea medicine. I felt so much better. They said the reason I felt like I was going to pass out was because I wasn't taking deep breaths. I felt so horrible I was hyperventilating. So I laid there for awhile. My poor husband sitting next to me. They gave me a prescription for nausea meds and we got out of there a little before 2am.

I slept in my own bed last night and it felt wonderful. My husband had to go to work, the poor guy. I feel a lot better. No more pain meds for me. That stuff does a number on me. No major pain though. Just sore. Can't wait to get my life back to normal.

Today's the Day

We're leaving for the hospital in about 20 minutes. My alarm was set for 6, but of course I was up before that. Took a shower and put on my comfy clothes. Just weighed myself. I'm down 7 pounds since my pre-op appointment last Monday. Surprisingly, not really nervous. I'm anxious and can't sit still, but not nervous. I think it will hit me when I walk in and smell the "hospital smell". I can't describe it, but every hospital smells funny. It's not a bad smell, but you definitely know you're in a hospital.

To Tell or Not To Tell

For some reason the LAP-BAND® brings out a lot of opinions when mentioned in conversation. For those of you with the band, you know that "to tell or not to tell" people was probably a decision that took some time. Well at least it did for me. I'm the type of person who's normally open when talking to friends and family, but my decision to be banded made me pause. I was very afraid to tell anyone because of fear of what they might say.

I told my husband right away when I was contemplating going to a seminar. After starting the process, I told a friend at work to see what her reaction would be. She's very frank and I wanted to get her honest opinion. It went well, but I was still afraid to tell anyone else. I definitely knew I didn't want to tell everyone. I was going to be very selective. There are some people at work that if they knew, that's all we would talk about, and I would be judged every time I put something in my mouth.

Shortly after I told my friend at work I told my mom. I wasn't sure how she would take it since my sister had this done last year and it is not working for her. (BTW She told everyone) I think she was shocked at first and I couldn't really read her thoughts, but I think she has warmed up and supports my decision. I will be telling my dad today since I'm going for surgery tomorrow morning and my mom's going to watch my son.

I will eventually have to tell more people, but I really don't want people to know now. I want to go through the surgery, start on my diet, and not have to worry about what people think of me. Once my diet is established and I think it feels right, I may tell more. But not now.

Unfortunately, sometimes the people you think will be the most supportive can be the most critical.

About 36 Hours to Go

In less than 36 hours, I'll be at the hospital getting prepped for surgery. I'm getting really excited. I'm all ready, I hope. It's outpatient so I don't have to bring an overnight bag, but I do need to bring somethings for while I'm in recovery. I'm surprisingly not hungry. I'm really glad I didn't have to be on a two week pre-op liquid diet. I've lost weight so my surgeon should be happy and I'm happy of course.

Training continues....for the big and the small

Today after a long day of going to the zoo and a baseball game, I was sitting in my living room with my son and had no idea where my husband went. I called for him and I here a faint "I'm in here" coming from the kitchen. I asked what he was doing and he said I didn't want to know. From that, I knew. He was eating food that he knew I wanted, but couldn't have. So instead of eating in front of me, he knew it would be better to eat where I couldn't see him. What a sweetie.

My son is doing very well with the potty training. Today he told me when he had to go while we were at the zoo, but of course no where near a bathroom, so I took him behind an empty kiosk and he went on the ground. I personally don't think this is horrible. Was it ideal, no, but it worked. He did it again later in the trip, this time right outside the bathroom. We were in the bushes with no one around. I was proud he didn't go in his pants. He's a boy and its easy for him. Later that day when we went to a baseball game, they have all the kids stuff out in left field and absolutely no bathrooms. He told me he had to go and there was no way we would make it to the bathrooms on the other side of the park. So I took him in the back by a chain link fence to go. I thought this was better than in his pants all over the picnic area we were in. When I turned around, I got some horrible looks from two people who must have saw what he was doing. It made me mad a little. Here's a two year old boy trying to do something completely foreign to him and he's actually trying at it. To be looked at as if he had just done the worst thing ever didn't really seem fair. I understand if he was older it could look strange, but he's two years old. He wasn't doing it where anyone would walk or be. Maybe I'm a little bias, but some people need to be a little bit more understanding.

Emotional Mess

I don't know if the combination of my pre-op diet and my excitement/anxiety for my upcoming surgery has caused me to become crazy emotional, but I'm a mess. I've always been an emotional person, but I feel like anything can set me off. I can cry a the drop of a hat over anything. I could really go for a blizzard or hot fudge sundae, but not because I'm hungry or even because I'm craving it. I want it because I think it can help my emotions calm down. The true meaning of comfort food I guess.

Big milestone today....my son went poopy on the potty. Big step for him, horrible job for my husband and I. We're now beckoned to the bathroom about every 15-30 minutes to help pull down pants, underwear, and hold up his shirt.

Pre-op Diet Seems to be Working

I'm down another 2 pounds. So I've lost about a pound a day on this diet. It's too bad I can't keep this up. I mean, I'm doing fine now and I can continue until surgery, but it makes me feel heavy. All I'm eating are meats, cheeses, and veggies. I could really go for an apple. That sounds funny since I'm usually saying I could really use a brownie.

I found the best way to keep myself from craving food is to keep busy. I'm really not hungry. I'm just bored. So my husband and I have been cleaning out our garage and house. We're taking all the stuff we don't use regularly to a storage unit. We're hoping to sell our condo and we need to declutter. This is a great project for me right now because it keeps me active and busy.

Potty Time

This post may not be for everyone, but this is my life now and most of my conversations with friends and family deal with this topic.

I think I can safely say my son is potty trained, except for the dreaded bowel movement. I say dreaded because you would think his butt is going to fall off if he pooped in the potty. He refuses to sit on the potty to poop. He gets all shy sits away and won't let me even look when he's going. So, he knows when he's going, but just doesn't like the potty for poop. Anytime he has to pee we're in there with success. We even took a trip today and pulled over on the highway so he could go, but he didn't want to get out of the car. He then waited another 10-15 minutes until we could pull off at an exit. I was very proud of my little man.

As for me, I've lost another pound. Nothing major diet wise. Haven't had any carbs, but man my sons fries looked really good today.

Protein and Pee Pee

So my pre-op diet was in full force today, but one big problem....no protein. Woke up and had no clue what to have for breakfast. Looked at the eggs and they were bad, looked for meat, but didn't really feel like having a chicken breast for breakfast. So what did I end up having? A spoonful of peanut butter. Yeah, I know. Not a good start. For lunch I found some meatballs. When my husband got home, I went to the store and was able to stock up on the essentials: eggbeaters, low fat cheese, breakfast sausages, broccoli, carrots, and turkey steaks.

My son on the other hand was having an excellent day. He told me every single time he had to go potty. It was usually after a little had started, but we made it to the potty without any major cleanups. We still went through about 10 pairs of underwear, but I was very proud.

6 more days to go!

Potty Training and Pre-op

Summer has finally begun! My last day of school was today, I had my pre-op appointment, and my son's getting one step closer to being a little boy.

Pre-op appointment went well. Of course I forgot every question I had while in the office. Luckily they weren't that important. I don't have to be on a strict diet. They want me to lose a couple of pounds and stay on a high protein, low carb diet, but nothing to hard to manage.

My son hates the potty. He's almost 3 and since it's summer we decided to go cold turkey and ditch the diapers. I discussed it with my son and he agreed to wear underwear, but I don't think he truly understands that they're not diapers. We've gone through at least 10 pairs of underwear and shorts daily this weekend and that's from the time he was actually wearing clothes. He'll tell us when he pees, but if we ask him to sit on the potty he doesn't want to. He has to be in a certain mood. He did go a few times and we cheered, he got a sucker, and we thought we were on a role. Today, no such luck. He hasn't been on the potty at all today. Hoping to get the ball rolling tomorrow.

My Decision

So after much debate, I decided to start a blog. I'm creating this blog as a written record of my journey through motherhood and my struggles, and hopeful success, with weight-loss.

I have made the decision to get LAP-BAND® surgery and have been scheduled for June 14th. This decision did not come easy. I had many reservations, but none seemed to deal with the actual surgery itself. I was mostly concerned with the perception of weight loss surgery and what people may think of me.

I know there are many out there that think this is the easy way out that I should just be eating less and exercising more. You know what? I can't disagree. I should be doing that, but that's where I have the problem. Anyone who struggles with weight loss and wants to make changes know that it's not easy. The LAP-BAND® is a tool that will help me keep the weight off. I will still have to follow a diet and exercise.

I finally came up with my definitive reason for having the surgery: my son. Being able to spend time with him and keep up with him far out weighs any of the reasons not to do it.