It moved!

So my scale isn't broken! I'm down the two pounds that I gained last week. I'm hoping I stay moving in this direction.

Speaking of moving, we're trying so hard to get our house ready to put on the market. My house looks like a disaster because we're moving everything around and moving stuff to storage. I don't know if we'll every be ready. Trying to get the house up for sale in July.

Sleeping Habits

It's the summer and I don't have to go to school so I would love to sleep in just a little. So far, it's not happening. My son wakes my husband and I up everyday. He was coming in around 7:30, but lately it's been a lot earlier. I think he was in this morning around 5ish. Luckily my husband was off work today and took him downstairs so I could sleep a little longer.

I don't know what's going on with him, but he won't take naps anymore either. He usually goes all day long and falls asleep around 7pm and then wakes up early. I've been trying to sit with him around nap time hoping he falls asleep. He'll snuggle with me, but no nap.

I'm really hoping he'll sleep until 8 tomorrow, but I really doubt it.

Extremely Frustrated!

It's been two weeks since the surgery and I have drastically changed my eating habits. The first week was liquids and the second week has been mushie and soft foods. I've just recently started to eat more "normal" foods such as chicken and cooked veggies. I've also limited myself to the cup of food per meal. I haven't felt restriction yet so I've just been stopping myself because I don't want to overeat.

My frustration is I haven't lost any weight. In fact I've gained 2 pounds this past week. What is going on? I know I'm not going to lose weight really fast like bypass surgery, but to gain weight makes me mad.

Restriction?

Now that I've added more foods in. I've been trying to read my body to see if I can feel restriction. My surgeon said I should feel it in my chest, but I haven't felt anything like that. I'll eat my cup of food and still feel hungry. I stop myself so I don't eat more, but I know this won't always happen. My surgeon also said I shouldn't come in for a fill until I stop losing weight, but if the band isn't working the way it should be i.e. causing restriction, shouldn't I go in anyway?

Need Variety

So I'm down 7 pounds since surgery. I really need to start to eat something different. I'm not hungry, but I'm getting really bored with eating the same types of foods. I'm really looking forward to adding more foods on Monday. Here I come mushie's!

Totally Not Hungry

I have no desire to eat. It's great, but I know not good. I have to force myself to drink protein shakes, eat yogurt, and whatever else I can get down. I really am not hungry. I do have cravings for foods I'm not allowed to have. Like I was at the grocery store today and we went down the pasta isle to get my son mac and cheese. I really wanted to eat noodles. I think I miss chewing on something and I know I can't have anything really hard so in my head I was like noodles should be okay. I grabbed this new "Kraft Homestyle Deluxe" baked macaroni and cheese kit and said I'll eat this someday.

MMM.....yogurt

I had about a cup of yogurt today. It tasted so good. I had a 1/2 cup in the morning and a 1/2 cup around dinner time. It was nice to be able to spoon something into my mouth instead of drink it from a cup.

Very tired today. I couldn't sleep because I kept waking up from pain. It feels like a ball shoved up under my chest. I tried to take my son to the mall so he could play, but we didn't stay long. I couldn't get comfortable. When I was sitting there and walking around I still felt like I had something jammed up into my chest. The only way it would go away is if I stood up completely straight or laid straight in my recliner. I ended up laying in my recliner for the remainder of the night. I can't wait for this swelling to go down. Well I'm hoping its just swelling and that the band didn't slip.

Overall, doing pretty good. Most of the pain in the port is gone. Only a little gas pain occasionally.

Surgery and Post-Op Day 1

Surgery day went very smoothly. We left for the hospital around 6:30am and when we were about 5 minutes from the hospital my husband informed me he had to pee. So where do we stop? McDonald's. I thought this was a little interesting since I'm going in to get banded and we stop at a fast food restaurant on the way. I stayed in the car of course.

We arrived at the hospital at 6:58. I signed in and got a bracelet to wear. At around 7:30 we were called back and I was weighed. 243.1 lbs. A pound less than at home. I'll take that. From there my husband and I went in to the pre-op room. A nurse had me go pee to make sure I wasn't pregnant and I got dressed in the biggest gown I've ever seen and little booties on my feet. The nurse took my vitals pulse, blood pressure, etc. We then waited and watched TV until around 7:45 when my nurse Barb came in. She was very nice and funny. We talked about the band and how she was thinking about it. She gave me a shot of heparin at 7:58. Man did that sting and she told me I could rub it or it would cause a bruise. At around 8:10 she tried to get an IV started in my left arm, but not luck. I always have trouble finding veins. She then asked another nurse to come in and she got one started in my right forearm at 8:25. Barb asked me a bunch of questions I feel like I've answered a million times, but I answered the anyway (last period, allergic to anything, etc.)

My doctor, Dr. Shayani, popped in close to 9 and we asked a couple of questions and he was out of there. Shortly after, the anesthesiologist, Dr. Korea, popped in at 9:05. I explained that I get really dizzy and nauseous after anesthesia, but he said that's common with C-Sections. I should have pressed the matter. Barb put the compression cuffs on my legs while he was in the room. I knew they were coming so it didn't surprise me.

I was wheeled on my bed into the surgery room after I got to say goodbye to my husband around 9:15. When I got into the operating room, it was nice and cold and I had warm blankets on me. My bed wouldn't go up all the way so when I had to scoot over to the operating table, it was a little bit tricky. The operating nurse was hilarious. She kept going back and forth with the anesthesiologist. I laid down with my arms spread out on either side while one nurse worked on one side and another nurse worked on the other side. Place monitor stickers, getting cords untangled, etc. At that point, the breathing mask went on my face and I don't remember anything until I woke up.

My husband said I was out of surgery at 10:20. I laid in recovery for a little while and was in and out of consciousnesses. I remember it was hard to talk because my whole body felt heavy, but I was able to ask for ice chips since my mouth was so dry. The recovery nurse said she and put a spoonful in my mouth.

I was later rolled back to the second recovery room where my husband was able to join me and I had the best nurse, Becky. I was so out of it. Just like after my C-Section. I just couldn't break myself of the grogginess. I didn't really have any pain so I just kept falling asleep. It was great though. I was so tired.

I'm not sure when, but my doctor again popped in and said "why are you treating her like a sick person? She should be up in a chair." I said because I'm tired and it feels good to lay down. Well anyway, my nurse said she would go get me a comfy chair if I have to be in one and brought in a nice recliner. When I made the move from bed to chair that's when I could feel that I was really tight in the stomach. Another nurse had to come help since I couldn't really stand on my own yet. When I got in the chair the nurse reclined it and said "fall asleep, you like you need it. If he comes back, you're in a chair". And of course I fell asleep. I would wake up periodically and sip some apple juice. The best apple juice I've ever tasted by the way. I started to feel dizzy and nauseous just like I predicted. My nurse was so nice. She put a wash cloth on my forehead, got an ice pack for my neck and even search for a fan. It really helped. Once I had gone pee (man did that hurt) and started to snap out of it a little more. I decided I would feel better at home. So I got dressed and was wheeled out around 3pm.

I went home and slept in the recliner all night. I woke up around 4 am and need my husband to help me out of the chair to go to the bathroom and I took some pain meds.

Post-Op Day 1

My husband had to go to work so I was left by myself. Which was fine. I slept until 10. Got up. Feeling a lot better now. Could sit on the toilet without cringing. I took some more pain medicine and did a couple of puzzles and watched a little TV, but I started not to feel so well. I got really dizzy. I had to turn the TV off. I tried to walk around to see if that helped, but I got more dizzy. I started to feel nauseous and then I started to heave and throw up. Man did that hurt. I was hold my left side because I thought it was going to rip out of my stomach not to mention that not much was coming up since all I've add was liquids. I called my mom because I needed someone to talk to. My husband had come home shortly after. I took some pain meds and fell fast asleep. He then had to go to class and I was left alone again. Of course it all started again, throwing up hurt so bad. I called my doctor's pager number. I was afraid if I kept throwing up I would slip the band or something. As I'm on the phone with my doctor, my husband comes home. The doctor wants to talk to him since I'm sure he can't understand a word I'm saying because I'm starting to cry. He said we could go to the hospital if we wanted, but to call him back in an hour and let him know how I was doing. Well in a hour, I was on my way to the hospital, throwing up again. Then I got the chills and started to shake.

It's now about 10pm and we're in the emergency room. I thought since I had just had surgery and I'm shaking and throwing up I would be one of those lucky ones that got to got right back. Was I wrong. We sat there for about an hour before I had my husband ask for a bag to throw up in. The gave him a bin. I felt so bad for the others waiting in the room. As I was throwing up I felt like I was going to pass out. My whole body got shaky and tingly. I asked my husband to tell them that and they're response was "have her sit down". Thanks. I'll just pass out in a dirty waiting room. After about another hour, I went to the front and asked about how long. I really feel shaking and tingling and I feel like I'm going to pass out. The lady looked at me and said "oh really?" and told me come around so a nurse could look at me. While she was examining me. I started to throw up. BINGO! That's what gets you to be seen. So for anyone out there who's stuck in a ER waiting room, start to throw up in front of the nurse. Once in there, the staff was very nice. They started me in IVs and gave me some nausea medicine. I felt so much better. They said the reason I felt like I was going to pass out was because I wasn't taking deep breaths. I felt so horrible I was hyperventilating. So I laid there for awhile. My poor husband sitting next to me. They gave me a prescription for nausea meds and we got out of there a little before 2am.

I slept in my own bed last night and it felt wonderful. My husband had to go to work, the poor guy. I feel a lot better. No more pain meds for me. That stuff does a number on me. No major pain though. Just sore. Can't wait to get my life back to normal.

Today's the Day

We're leaving for the hospital in about 20 minutes. My alarm was set for 6, but of course I was up before that. Took a shower and put on my comfy clothes. Just weighed myself. I'm down 7 pounds since my pre-op appointment last Monday. Surprisingly, not really nervous. I'm anxious and can't sit still, but not nervous. I think it will hit me when I walk in and smell the "hospital smell". I can't describe it, but every hospital smells funny. It's not a bad smell, but you definitely know you're in a hospital.

To Tell or Not To Tell

For some reason the LAP-BAND® brings out a lot of opinions when mentioned in conversation. For those of you with the band, you know that "to tell or not to tell" people was probably a decision that took some time. Well at least it did for me. I'm the type of person who's normally open when talking to friends and family, but my decision to be banded made me pause. I was very afraid to tell anyone because of fear of what they might say.

I told my husband right away when I was contemplating going to a seminar. After starting the process, I told a friend at work to see what her reaction would be. She's very frank and I wanted to get her honest opinion. It went well, but I was still afraid to tell anyone else. I definitely knew I didn't want to tell everyone. I was going to be very selective. There are some people at work that if they knew, that's all we would talk about, and I would be judged every time I put something in my mouth.

Shortly after I told my friend at work I told my mom. I wasn't sure how she would take it since my sister had this done last year and it is not working for her. (BTW She told everyone) I think she was shocked at first and I couldn't really read her thoughts, but I think she has warmed up and supports my decision. I will be telling my dad today since I'm going for surgery tomorrow morning and my mom's going to watch my son.

I will eventually have to tell more people, but I really don't want people to know now. I want to go through the surgery, start on my diet, and not have to worry about what people think of me. Once my diet is established and I think it feels right, I may tell more. But not now.

Unfortunately, sometimes the people you think will be the most supportive can be the most critical.

About 36 Hours to Go

In less than 36 hours, I'll be at the hospital getting prepped for surgery. I'm getting really excited. I'm all ready, I hope. It's outpatient so I don't have to bring an overnight bag, but I do need to bring somethings for while I'm in recovery. I'm surprisingly not hungry. I'm really glad I didn't have to be on a two week pre-op liquid diet. I've lost weight so my surgeon should be happy and I'm happy of course.

Training continues....for the big and the small

Today after a long day of going to the zoo and a baseball game, I was sitting in my living room with my son and had no idea where my husband went. I called for him and I here a faint "I'm in here" coming from the kitchen. I asked what he was doing and he said I didn't want to know. From that, I knew. He was eating food that he knew I wanted, but couldn't have. So instead of eating in front of me, he knew it would be better to eat where I couldn't see him. What a sweetie.

My son is doing very well with the potty training. Today he told me when he had to go while we were at the zoo, but of course no where near a bathroom, so I took him behind an empty kiosk and he went on the ground. I personally don't think this is horrible. Was it ideal, no, but it worked. He did it again later in the trip, this time right outside the bathroom. We were in the bushes with no one around. I was proud he didn't go in his pants. He's a boy and its easy for him. Later that day when we went to a baseball game, they have all the kids stuff out in left field and absolutely no bathrooms. He told me he had to go and there was no way we would make it to the bathrooms on the other side of the park. So I took him in the back by a chain link fence to go. I thought this was better than in his pants all over the picnic area we were in. When I turned around, I got some horrible looks from two people who must have saw what he was doing. It made me mad a little. Here's a two year old boy trying to do something completely foreign to him and he's actually trying at it. To be looked at as if he had just done the worst thing ever didn't really seem fair. I understand if he was older it could look strange, but he's two years old. He wasn't doing it where anyone would walk or be. Maybe I'm a little bias, but some people need to be a little bit more understanding.

Emotional Mess

I don't know if the combination of my pre-op diet and my excitement/anxiety for my upcoming surgery has caused me to become crazy emotional, but I'm a mess. I've always been an emotional person, but I feel like anything can set me off. I can cry a the drop of a hat over anything. I could really go for a blizzard or hot fudge sundae, but not because I'm hungry or even because I'm craving it. I want it because I think it can help my emotions calm down. The true meaning of comfort food I guess.

Big milestone today....my son went poopy on the potty. Big step for him, horrible job for my husband and I. We're now beckoned to the bathroom about every 15-30 minutes to help pull down pants, underwear, and hold up his shirt.

Pre-op Diet Seems to be Working

I'm down another 2 pounds. So I've lost about a pound a day on this diet. It's too bad I can't keep this up. I mean, I'm doing fine now and I can continue until surgery, but it makes me feel heavy. All I'm eating are meats, cheeses, and veggies. I could really go for an apple. That sounds funny since I'm usually saying I could really use a brownie.

I found the best way to keep myself from craving food is to keep busy. I'm really not hungry. I'm just bored. So my husband and I have been cleaning out our garage and house. We're taking all the stuff we don't use regularly to a storage unit. We're hoping to sell our condo and we need to declutter. This is a great project for me right now because it keeps me active and busy.

Potty Time

This post may not be for everyone, but this is my life now and most of my conversations with friends and family deal with this topic.

I think I can safely say my son is potty trained, except for the dreaded bowel movement. I say dreaded because you would think his butt is going to fall off if he pooped in the potty. He refuses to sit on the potty to poop. He gets all shy sits away and won't let me even look when he's going. So, he knows when he's going, but just doesn't like the potty for poop. Anytime he has to pee we're in there with success. We even took a trip today and pulled over on the highway so he could go, but he didn't want to get out of the car. He then waited another 10-15 minutes until we could pull off at an exit. I was very proud of my little man.

As for me, I've lost another pound. Nothing major diet wise. Haven't had any carbs, but man my sons fries looked really good today.

Protein and Pee Pee

So my pre-op diet was in full force today, but one big problem....no protein. Woke up and had no clue what to have for breakfast. Looked at the eggs and they were bad, looked for meat, but didn't really feel like having a chicken breast for breakfast. So what did I end up having? A spoonful of peanut butter. Yeah, I know. Not a good start. For lunch I found some meatballs. When my husband got home, I went to the store and was able to stock up on the essentials: eggbeaters, low fat cheese, breakfast sausages, broccoli, carrots, and turkey steaks.

My son on the other hand was having an excellent day. He told me every single time he had to go potty. It was usually after a little had started, but we made it to the potty without any major cleanups. We still went through about 10 pairs of underwear, but I was very proud.

6 more days to go!

Potty Training and Pre-op

Summer has finally begun! My last day of school was today, I had my pre-op appointment, and my son's getting one step closer to being a little boy.

Pre-op appointment went well. Of course I forgot every question I had while in the office. Luckily they weren't that important. I don't have to be on a strict diet. They want me to lose a couple of pounds and stay on a high protein, low carb diet, but nothing to hard to manage.

My son hates the potty. He's almost 3 and since it's summer we decided to go cold turkey and ditch the diapers. I discussed it with my son and he agreed to wear underwear, but I don't think he truly understands that they're not diapers. We've gone through at least 10 pairs of underwear and shorts daily this weekend and that's from the time he was actually wearing clothes. He'll tell us when he pees, but if we ask him to sit on the potty he doesn't want to. He has to be in a certain mood. He did go a few times and we cheered, he got a sucker, and we thought we were on a role. Today, no such luck. He hasn't been on the potty at all today. Hoping to get the ball rolling tomorrow.

My Decision

So after much debate, I decided to start a blog. I'm creating this blog as a written record of my journey through motherhood and my struggles, and hopeful success, with weight-loss.

I have made the decision to get LAP-BAND® surgery and have been scheduled for June 14th. This decision did not come easy. I had many reservations, but none seemed to deal with the actual surgery itself. I was mostly concerned with the perception of weight loss surgery and what people may think of me.

I know there are many out there that think this is the easy way out that I should just be eating less and exercising more. You know what? I can't disagree. I should be doing that, but that's where I have the problem. Anyone who struggles with weight loss and wants to make changes know that it's not easy. The LAP-BAND® is a tool that will help me keep the weight off. I will still have to follow a diet and exercise.

I finally came up with my definitive reason for having the surgery: my son. Being able to spend time with him and keep up with him far out weighs any of the reasons not to do it.